This post hits HOME - EDITED

I've been pondering about this for sometime now. I am simply attracted to people who I think I can fix. On my recent trip, I had the time to speak with my mum and I found out that I got the fixer genes. Here is a post from my daily bible:

http://gettingpastyourpast.wordpress.com/2009/05/30/not-scratching-the-itch-to-fix/#more-3663

I am a fixer. I am attracted to people that I think I can fix. About 2 weeks ago, I was out with my friend Amy eating at McDonald's when I wrote my relationship inventory. It started when I told her about my past boyfriends and she got confused to whom I was referring to. So I made a diagram on a tissue paper. *wink*

I told her that I once dated a guy whom I am not inlove with for 3 years cause he was a serious case. Aside from being suicidal, he was not doing well with his University. I confused caring for responsibility. I stuck with him for 3 years and wasted my own life while I try to help him progress with his Uni studies. In the end, he got his degree. I didn't get any thank you instead I got an in your face, I didn't do this with your help. He is right, he did it for himself. I broke up with him and didn't speak with him since. Well, he tried to get in touch but I stayed no contact.

I went with a guy for 7 months. Again, just like the guy above, he wasn't doing well in Uni. I felt the need to help him finish his degree. He did and he broke up with me. See the cycle/pattern? The more complicated the guy, the more I stuck with them. To be fair with this guy, he's a trophy boyfriend(yes, girls need a trophy too!) and he treats me so well. Never did I have to pay for any date. We were short for cash once and he was embarassed to borrow 20 pesos that's roughly 50p here in the UK. Met his parents and they loved me. That's not enough for me to stay with him.

I have fair share of guys who treated me well. One ex I am friends with. The relationship was short and sweet. We dated for a few months but we had good memories together. He is as gay as me at the time and he is funny and fun to be with too. Makes me laugh a lot. You are generous too aren't you? I know you are reading this. :-P The shorter the relationship, the more normal the guy is. I tend to shy away from boyfriend material.

On my last relationship, I just gave up trying towards the end. I figured, if I stop doing anything or If I stop fixing the problem then maybe my ex would figure something out and fix the problem but obviously he didn't. He, just like me, watched as the relationship crumbled.

That was me then, a fixer. I won't date a guy whom needs fixing again. I deserve someone who is whole. :)

Meet Papa Jack

Meet Papa Jack from Netherlands. I will be travelling with him to Spain and Portugal in July and I am gonna visit him in August in Netherlands and do another Euro Trip to Czech Republic and Germany. Thank you Papa Jesus for sending him to me - my travel buddy. :)

Steam Bath, Sauna and Back to Sauna Again

STEAM BATH AND SAUNA(26 May)

My friend Amy left today. They were checked-in in Novotel from Tuesday 'til Thursday. She asked me if I want to try the Steam bath and Sauna at their Hotel. Since I haven't tried those facilities before, I said yes straight away. I am sucker to trying out new things this year.

3 bloopers from the day

First: I was putting my two piece top when the clip at the back came off. I had to tie the back. I guess that's my swimsuit telling me that I put on weight. :-P

Second: We couldn't open the Sauna door! We both tried pulling the Sauna door but we couldn't open it. We panicked! Guess we have to push next time.

Third: After leaving the Sauna, we wanted to use the pool but it is cleaning time. The sign says, open from 10AM to 6PM but it didn't say, close from 12noon - 2PM for cleaning.

STEAM ROOM AND SWIMMING POOL(27 May)

I got a text again from my friend Amy inviting me for another round of Steam Bath and Swimming Pool. Since I'm free, I said yes. It was fun getting steamed. I like seeing my skin glow after the process. We then went to the pool and we both discovered that we can't swim! Thank God the pool is only 2 metres deeps. We stayed there for a bit before we went to the Oracle.

Lessons Learnt:

Never stay in a cheap accomodation. I like the feeling of being pampered!

Check the hotels facilities and make full use of it!

Belgian Fat

Atomium

Jubel Parc

Dress from Miss Selfridge and Zara Shoes

Near Manneken Pis

Chocolate Fondu + Fresh Strawberries = Heaven

Dinner on the First Day. Kebab or as the call it, KEBAP

Manneken Pis

Mummy on Grote Markt

In front of St. Michael's. Zara dress and Matthew Williamson Sarong

My side of the room. We stayed at Sheraton Hotel BTW.

Mum's side of the room.

I am most happiest when I travel. So next bf should be able to take me on trips and should share the same passion that I have. :)

Brussels is surprisingly small. The trains run every 10-15 minutes and stations are almost always deserted. Makes me and my mum wonder what they do for a living. Brussels burst of Museums. 3 minutes from Gare Centrale and you'll see your first museum.

This weekend has been the most relaxing trip I've been. 1 day sight seeing and the rest are spend on food. We had kebab on the first night there, hamburger for breakfast, seafood overload for lunch followed by waffle with fruits, whip cream and chocolate drizzle and then ice cream with whipped cream and chocolate drizzle again and I lost track of what I had. PIG OUT I SAY! I need to start exercising tom.

24th Bday is my passport to being wild

Loving her Gladiator Heels!

Donna wearing a Topshop Playsuit, H&M belt and New Look Gladiator Heels

My Crazy Girlfriends!

Darlene wearing Dorothy Perkins Dress and New Look shoes and Doris(in Fuschia) wearing New Look and Unbranded shoes

The Free Champagne!

STRIP HIM!

Free Drinks made us crazy

CHEERS!

YES!

My body shot turn

Lick it Good!

FACT: I went drinking for 3 days. The photos above were from the second day. First day was Donna's bday, Second day was mine and Third day was broken hearted Donna day.

I wasn't scared about turning 24. In fact, I look forward to it cause I made it a point to celebrate this year. Mind you, it wasn't normal for me to have parties cause I hate being centre of everyone's attention so I broke my celebration into 3 just like my list said, Dinner and Clubbing, Trip Abroad(on my next blog) and Paintball.

I was happy on my 24th. Me, my friends and my family went on a dinner and we went clubbing. It fell on a Wednesday so entrance is free and drinks are cheaper than usual. We had one tequilla each and proceeded to 2 rounds of tequilla body shots. Rai then got us cocktail drinks, Me and Donna got Mai Tai on the first round, Darlene and Doris got Long Island. I tried Doris and I must add that I LOVE THE LONG ISLAND COCKTAIL. Taste like Iced Tea. :-P So on my next cocktail, I got Long Island then we had champagne and I forgot the rest. It was a fun and crazy night. :)

RIP PJ

Today, I found out that my brother's friend died. He rode his motorcycle to buy pancit but he forgot to wear his glasses. Out of the blue, a cow cross the street(this isn't normal in the city but his friend is residing far from Manila), he saw it but he didn't see the rope that was attached to it. The rope hit his neck hard and I think it cracked his spine. My brother sounded sad over the phone so I didn't push the conversation further. He was only 22 years old. I also found out that he was the first friend of my brother's in Uni that I was introduced to. I couldn't remember him and I felt bad.

This incident made me think about my life. I want to be remembered as someone who died while still living.

Print Crazy Part 2

Another Matthew Williamson for H&M Sarong(which I will use as a scarf)

H&M dress

I am going crazy with prints at the moment.

Yesterday has been a good day for me. I went to college, had a nice lunch and chat with my girl friends, went shopping, saw Angels and Demons which is good by the way (Thank God for the Rome trip. I can totally picture the whole place although the tour guide told us that they weren't allowed to shoot in the Vatican City ), saw American Idol, had a sit down dinner with friends and got drunk.

I woke up with hang over this morning and diarrhea. Too much info, so typical of me. :-P I went grocery shopping today and made sweet and sour Chicken, met up with a friend and almost bought DVD's cause got ID'd on the till. I showed my ID but they were looking for a VALID ID. My college ID with birthdate doesn't count. I was disappointed. I had Azumi, Wasabi and Priceless on my hand. I was planning to have a Foreign Film/Action Night. :(

Amsterdam is NO GO!!!

I am sad. I am so looking forward to going to Amsterdam but I f*cked me and my mum's trip to Belgium by booking an early trip back to London. When I say early I mean 8AM! I know I still have opportunity to travel to Netherlands as my friend is residing there but I wanted to make this trip perfect for my mum. I don't want to beat myself up for this. Move on Ailema, Dance!

Lesson Learnt: It pays to be meticulous.

Matthew Williamson for H&M is LOVE!

Potential Amsterdam Outfit?

Matthew Williamson for H&M Sarong worn as a scarf and Mango Dress

My Bday Dress from Mango. I can't seem to stop buying a bday dress.

Okay, not quite all Matthew Williamson but I am dying to post the yummy sarong that I got! It is a steal for 15 quid! This is Matthew Williamson we are talking about, he used to work for Pucci, hence the fab prints! I might grab another sarong tomorrow and probably the peacock top. Hope they still have it on stock. *fingers crossed* My friend got the wrap around dress that I picked up for her. XS didn't fit me!
PS: I made pasta carbonara today and it is a success! :)

mood swings

I am experiencing the worst mood swing today. I woke up feeling excited to meet my High School Bestfriend but that all changed after an hour of waiting for her text. I am not motivated to go out at all so I texted her and made up some lousy excuse to get out of the meet up. She said it was okay since the weather is sh*tty today and it is cold to go out. I then proceeded to read Eat,Pray,Love and was deeply touched by the story so I started crying. Then I felt hungry and made tuna spring rolls for me and my sister. I went online and spoke with few friends. I was feeling cheerful by then. Then went online again to look check the blogs that I follow. And now I am crying again cause I saw trailer for Paper Heart and 500 days of Summer. I want to see both films badly. Guess this is one of the days when you are single. Just like the Haruki Murakami book said, Dance.

Feeling Down

I am feeling lonely today. I needed someone to talk to but I don't know what to talk about. I feel so unmotivated. I don't want to go shopping anymore. It seems like that's the only thing that I am doing these days. I am feeling empty. I think I need to go on a trip alone soon.

Print Crazy

Batwing Top from Topshop

Bubble Dress from Miss Selfridge

The Prints

Print Leggings from Topshop

My Dear Sister commented on how "losyang" I look these days and it stuck on me. She hated the fact that I wear too much bold colours and told me that maybe I was supposed to be born black(no offense meant, black people look good with bold colours - E.I. Alek Wek). This inspired me to do some shopping and boy, I gravitate to bold prints this time. Thanks Sis for the wake up call and Thanks Topshop for Pretty, Pretty Leggings. :)

BTW, to describe what "losyang" is, think of a bum, make the bum haggard and ugly or it can be someone whose look is very uninspiring,someone who lost the will to look good.

The drama behind the Portsmouth/Gosport Trip

I was very tired Friday night. I went to catch up with friends and I didn't get home til midnight. I then woke up at 6AM the next day. My sister was nagging the whole time, complaining about her course work deadline and how she doesn't want to go on a trip with us. She felt like she was obliged to do it. My mum told her not to come but she kept on talking for at least two hours until I got fed up and said F*ck off. She was hurt but I had to do it. Man up I say.

I was swearing the whole time we were on the bus. I have a very good reason this time, I was holding my pee and travel time took almost 2 hours. What's worse, we were on the slow lane. I definitely damaged my reputation. Oh well, as I always say, the damaged has been done. Anyway, it was a fun day. As soon as we get to Portsmouth, we took the ferry to Gosport so we can get a good angle of the Spintaker Tower. :-P No seriously, Gosport was recommended by my Kuya Mike's officemate. The place was okay. I've never seen so much retired people in my life. His friend is over 60 by the way. No wonder he liked the place. We left Gosport after lunch and went to Nando's(I am on Nando's diet now). We took photos in Portsmouth and went in a big ship that they turned into a museum. Bonus points for the steam engine festival. Fun day all in all. :)

Dear Mum and Kuya Mike both in Red. :)

Me and My Mummy dearest.

Everyone seems to like the unwashed hair look. What do you think people?

Yeah, smile random kid! :P

Plant sale in Gosport.

Flying Kissu!

Tank Dress and Green Cardigan from Zara bought over 2 years ago,Sandals(which I am working to death at the moment) and ethnic necklace from New Look, bag from Primark and very old Jacket from Maldita

clubbing plan gone SO wrong

I was having a good day yesterday. Everyone was commenting on how different I looked - my happiness was radiating from the inside. Good sign eh? Everything was working well, I had a nice lunch with friends, planned a night out with people in a month's time until I had an encounter with one of my friends. This is how it goes:

Ailema: Okay, since you can't come on the planned night out, maybe we should plan something with you next week. What do you want to do?

Friend: I want to go clubbing.

Ailema and Friends: We don't want to go clubbing. We already planned the clubbing night a month from now. Plus we want to do variations. Why don't we do something else?

Friend: I want to go clubbing. Why can't we go clubbing?

Ailema and Friends: We don't want to go clubbing. We want to do a day trip.

(this conversation dragged for almost half an hour, going round in circles, friend swearing the whole time)

So I finally had it and I sadi F*ck off. He said f*ck off, pulled a dirty finger and walked out. Seriously, I don't have time for this thing. I don't give a sh*t. This is so immature.

Twitter, Anyone?

I am seriously considering joining twitter. With so much time in my hands and with nothing much to do, I am left with no choice but to join the micro blogging world. Oh gosh, I think my geeky side is showing up again. Coupled with the fact that I am a born again Nintendo DS addict. Thanks to the ex. He gave me an SD Card about a week ago loaded with games that he think I would like and he was right. I just have to look for the missing DS Lite Charger or I will have to buy one.

People, what do you think of Twitter?

Good News: Tax Refund

I was feeling a bit down when I woke up this morning but the letter from HM Customs cheered me up. I got a TAX REFUND of an undisclosed amount. Finally, all my phone calls to them paid off. I have 3 options here - save, spend and splurge.

SAVE - Actually, I am not an advocate of savings for future use. But I might save it so I can actually have spending money for my future trips. CREDIT CRUNCH!
SPEND - I was thinking of going alone to Prague although Luke told me that it isn't a good place to travel alone. My mum said no to the trip as well and she even asked for my friend's Yan second opinion. Ooohh, I feel loved.
SPLURGE - I have 2 things in mind, a giant part time Balenciaga bag and an Omega Constellation Watch. My bday is in 18 days. Hope these things magically appear on my doorstep cause I don't really want to spend that much money at the moment(being jobless).

What do you think people?