Sunday, 31 May 2009

This post hits HOME - EDITED

I've been pondering about this for sometime now. I am simply attracted to people who I think I can fix. On my recent trip, I had the time to speak with my mum and I found out that I got the fixer genes. Here is a post from my daily bible:

I am a fixer. I am attracted to people that I think I can fix. About 2 weeks ago, I was out with my friend Amy eating at McDonald's when I wrote my relationship inventory. It started when I told her about my past boyfriends and she got confused to whom I was referring to. So I made a diagram on a tissue paper. *wink*

I told her that I once dated a guy whom I am not inlove with for 3 years cause he was a serious case. Aside from being suicidal, he was not doing well with his University. I confused caring for responsibility. I stuck with him for 3 years and wasted my own life while I try to help him progress with his Uni studies. In the end, he got his degree. I didn't get any thank you instead I got an in your face, I didn't do this with your help. He is right, he did it for himself. I broke up with him and didn't speak with him since. Well, he tried to get in touch but I stayed no contact.

I went with a guy for 7 months. Again, just like the guy above, he wasn't doing well in Uni. I felt the need to help him finish his degree. He did and he broke up with me. See the cycle/pattern? The more complicated the guy, the more I stuck with them. To be fair with this guy, he's a trophy boyfriend(yes, girls need a trophy too!) and he treats me so well. Never did I have to pay for any date. We were short for cash once and he was embarassed to borrow 20 pesos that's roughly 50p here in the UK. Met his parents and they loved me. That's not enough for me to stay with him.

I have fair share of guys who treated me well. One ex I am friends with. The relationship was short and sweet. We dated for a few months but we had good memories together. He is as gay as me at the time and he is funny and fun to be with too. Makes me laugh a lot. You are generous too aren't you? I know you are reading this. :-P The shorter the relationship, the more normal the guy is. I tend to shy away from boyfriend material.

On my last relationship, I just gave up trying towards the end. I figured, if I stop doing anything or If I stop fixing the problem then maybe my ex would figure something out and fix the problem but obviously he didn't. He, just like me, watched as the relationship crumbled.

That was me then, a fixer. I won't date a guy whom needs fixing again. I deserve someone who is whole. :)





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